Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
