I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
