I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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