all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
