Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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