so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
