I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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