Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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