Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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