The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
