Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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