Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
