Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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