Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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