How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
