dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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