we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
