guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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