apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
