i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
