I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
