I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just pynch a tree in the face
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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