I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
