so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
