Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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