If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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