I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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