Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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