she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
