Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
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I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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