Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
