Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
