is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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