It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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