batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
