I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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