oh god the rape fog is back!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
