I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
