So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
