Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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