There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
