did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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