Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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