1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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