did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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