i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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