So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
