don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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