note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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