i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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