every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
