I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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