...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What a dumb baby whore.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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