it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
