we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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