I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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