I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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