its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
