Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
