I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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