She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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