none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
