My hair reeks of homosexuality.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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