Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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