He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
