Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
