Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
