The best revenge is premature balding
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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