i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
