My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
