I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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