i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
