So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
