Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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