your thong is hanging out like whoa
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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