Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
