it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
