my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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